The tournament didn't kill me. I have one giant bruise, but thats nothing. And we won, so it was a good day. And I don't have to play again, I don't think...
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Its funny how the simple idea of NOT moving every 20 months or so will change a person. Suddenly, local politics are no longer 'not my problem, because I wont be here'. I CARE who represents me (why? I dunno. I think democracy is still largely a myth designed to keep all of us little people quiet...). That, and I don't vote in Texas; voting in Texas was about as exciting as littering- I threw my vote away. But I voted anyway. If I can give up my career so my spouse can defend me so called democracy (i have a big problem with THAT concept- how invading a sovereign nation amounts to defending democracy, I'll never know, but thats not the point here), I might as well take 45 minutes to wait in line to throw my vote away. But now, living here, its not a foregone conclusion that logic looses. There's a chance that sanity could prevail. So I'm paying a little closer attention. And it feels good. Like I'll have the right to complain when issues don't work out the way I had hoped they would.
I heard recently that something like 3 times as many people voted for the latest American Idol than voted for the latest presidential election. Maybe if we ran elections like American Idol, we'd have a representative government? I can't say for sure, having never been tortured by watching American Idol.... but it sounds good on the surface.
Another way that the idea of not moving across the country in a matter of months has changed me is on the home improvement front: suddenly, the idea of stretching the budget isn't a BAD idea. What I WANT (as opposed to resale value) suddenly carries weight. I can choose paint colors, and tile, and flooring, and appliances based on what I want, not on resale value. Instead of trying to create a box-store image of 'perfect', i can choose what I want, take a 'chance' (in this context, it sounds so melodramatic. but choosing colors is HARD. I'll have to like this stuff for YEARS). I can let myself be expressed (imagine this: a whole house full of personal expression that I am afraid to share with anyone.... nothing says 'hermit' like a remodelled house that no one is allowed to visit :) ). Also, I can NOT do a project, and save it until next year, or the year after... theres a lot less pressure.
These are just 2 examples. Overall, I feel very consciously that I am rebuiling my life, rebuilding me, piece by piece. Its a unique chance, not one that everyone gets, and not one that comes along often. Its terrifying, and liberating- more of the latter than the former. I'm thrilled. Imagine, getting that clean slate to start over with- how would you build yourself? What would you do? And how would you react to the idea of any future unhapiness you may experience could be related directly back to the decisions you make while the sky is the limit. Its idyllic, but scary at the same time.
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